Sunday, March 26, 2017

Let the revolution begin!

We've all been there, fellas....

You and your beloved are craving some drive-thru... you ask "you want some fries?" She scrunches her face, shakes her head side to side and says "no, thanks." But YOU want some, so you order your own.

Then it happens...

Within two seconds of receiving your food, she grabs a small (at first) handful of your fries.

"I thought you didn't want any?"

"I don't. I just want a few of yours."

She's cute, so you let it slide, but deep down you're a little frustrated. After all, YOU wanted fries, and YOU were anticipating eating ALL the fries that YOU ordered for yourself!

After all, SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT ANY!

Enough is enough fellas. Come to my shop, pick up this little number and let your sweet little gal know that if she wants fries, then she can order her own.

LET THE REVOLUTION BEGIN!!




Aim high. Run fast. Pass the ketchup.

Brett



Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Game over.....


Aliens is my ALL TIME favorite movie.. ever.. forever and for always. FAVORITE. I am blessed to be born at a time when I could see it in the theater and I will never forget it.

I'm so sad to hear of the passing of Bill Paxton who played 'Hudson' (pictured above), the "tough as nails until the shit went down" member of the Colonial Marines.

He'll be forever immortalized in my office, as some time back I designed a poster for my favorite film which features those immortal words screamed in panic right after a horrible defeat at the ... hands? claws? ... of the Alien menace.

Rest in peace, Mr. Paxton. The news of your passing caused all of us to....

"Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen."



Monday, February 13, 2017

Pondering Time....

Since the dawn of time, the world's great thinkers have looked up at the night sky and explored their innermost thoughts, daring to solve the mysteries of the universe. Many times, those questions have been answered, providing us with luxuries that we often take for granted ... smart phones, medical advances, skittles ...

However, there are many questions left UNanswered; questions that are so deep we may never know the answers ... are we alone in the universe, is time travel possible, Betty or Veronica ...

Today, I join the ranks of the world's great thinkers by posing a conundrum so dripping in mystification it may NEVER be solved....

Who would win in a fight between JASON VORHEES and a horde of ZOMBIES?


Easy answer you say? Consider this...
  1. Jason feels no pain - neither do zombies.
  2. Jason runs from no one - neither do zombies.
  3. Jason cannot be killed - neither can zombies (unless you get them in the noggin).
  4. Jason is basically a zombie himself. Would the horde even acknowledge him?
  5. Would a zombie bite affect Jason (see #4)?
  6. Would the horde overtake Jason, or would he just hack his way through them like Chuck Norris in a room full of pinatas?
So ... did I just twist up your gray matter (Please say yes. This is all I have)? Sweet! Grab some Doritos and diet coke, argue this with your pals and get back to me. I'm curious what you come up with.

Aim high. Run fast. Don't shower in a dark cabin in the woods at night.

Brett

B'HQ (the website)
Storefront 1
Storefront 2





Friday, February 3, 2017

It's My Cake Day

Yep, it's true. I'm not terribly excited by it, however, because at my age it feels more like a countdown than an achievement.

My emergence into this world is kind of an interesting story....

Forty-nine years ago today, my mother (18 at the time) was brought to the hospital to give birth. She was an unwed teen, and her parents "strongly encouraged" her to put me up for adoption. She was sedated so that she wouldn't know my gender, and I was born.

The next day a nurse came in to see how she was healing and asked "have you not seen your baby yet?" My mother replied "no, I haven't." The nurse told her she would be right back ... and never returned.

I was adopted into a great family and had a wonderful life. My adoptive parents wanted me to know the truth about my heritage, so as far as I can remember, I've always known I was adopted.

When I was 23 and newly married, we looked for my biological parents and found them. They're amazing people and I am blessed to get to know them.

But enough of all that! Go out tonight! Celebrate! Eat some cake and enjoy what I call "St. Brett's Day!" (I'm still trying to figure out how to get it recognized on a national calendar).



Aim high. Run fast.

Brett

B'HQ (the website)
Storefront 1
Storefront 2

Friday, January 27, 2017

Big Sale!

Hey kids! Want to drive everyone at your school / job / retirement home crazy with jealousy??

Then head on over to one of my B'hold Designs merchandise storefronts (specifically, this one) where we're having a big, big sale!!

$14 T's like the ones below, plus cool deals on everything else!






















Come on over today!! You need stuff, I need money... it's a perfect relationship!!


Aim high. Run fast.

Brett

B'HQ (the website)
Storefront 1
Storefront 2

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Chutes & Ladders

Did you ever play the game 'Chutes & Ladders' as a kid? If you're not familiar with it, you roll the dice, move forward that many spaces and, with any luck, land on a ladder which can propel you to the top. The only drawback is there are also slides (chutes) that can drag you all the way back down to the bottom.

I loved the game as a kid, but no one told me that life is like that, too.

I've had some professional success in my life. Currently, I hold a job that I enjoy very much. It allows me time to freelance and work on my zombies, and even put up images of them in my office. I enjoy my co-workers, and even garner a little respect. It's pretty cool.

There have also been a few times that I stood on the threshold of even bigger success ... only to land on a 'chute' and slide back to where I started.

A few years ago, one of my original screenplays was picked up by a California talent agency. That agency shopped my spec script around town for a few weeks before getting it in front of some eyes at New Line Cinema. BIG ladder, right? Well, after three months of "thinking about it", they passed - AND the talent agency folded and released all their writers from their contracts. MAJOR chute.

I hit on another ladder a short time later when a writer friend introduced me to a manager needing a script like mine for the SyFy channel. Unfortunately, because of a conflict of interest, she was unable to share it with them (everyone say it with me... chute), and I've had no luck with writing since.

I turned my attention to designing film posters, and managed to secure my first one for an independent producer putting on a zombie film (ladder!) - followed by months of no one willing to hire me (another chute).

I could go on with hits and misses in the design and writing field, but I'm afraid I'll start crying and watching Lifetime.

So, why the heck am I writing about this and bumming everyone out?!

Well, a few days ago, someone with nearly 100k followers on flickr 'favorited' one of my designs (ladder)! Did you know they could UNfavorite them? I didn't, and he did ... today (another F'n chute).

When I was a kid, if I hit the chutes too many times, I'd pick up the game board and throw it across the room. Since I can't do that, my only choice is to blog about it to my imaginary fans who wait with excitement for me to tell them about my day fighting off the undead.

Today, I feel like one of them.


Aim high and Run Fast ... or don't. Whatever.

Brett

B'HQ (the website)
Storefront 1
Storefront 2

Saturday, January 7, 2017

I'm on a Zombie Hunt

Eureka!

All the boxes have finally been moved into our new space! We've already clogged the toilets and hung up the Farrah Fawcett poster... and, most importantly, we've plugged in the B'hold Designs Zombification Machine!

Man, there was a lot of dust on that thing, and maybe one of these days we'll wipe it down, but for now we are actively searching for victims volunteers to say goodbye to their families sign a waiver and become the latest and greatest B'hold Designs Poster/Video Models!

Oh, stop screaming! It will be great! We'll do a special, non-invasive, moderately embarrassing photoshoot with plenty of strangers to point and stare, there'll be a donut bar, a petting zoo and, of course, I'll be there to sign autographs for a modest fee (cash only).

What? You're still not sure? Then check out this heart-warming promotional video!


I know what you're thinking - "where do I sign??"

If you want to be a zombie, or if you just have a great suggestion (friend, celebrity, your uncle Leon), give me a shout (you can contact me thru my website), or leave a comment below and maybe, just maybe you'll survive be the next B'hold Designs Poster/Video Model!

Aim high. Run fast.

Brett

B'HQ (the website)
Storefront 1
Storefront 2

Thursday, January 5, 2017

The "Old Fashioned" Way

I like photoshop. I like zombies. It only makes sense that I would combine the two and subject my family, friends and unaware celebrities to the horrifying amazing ramifications of the old B'hold Designs Zombification Machine!

The process through which I go to bring these zombies "to life" is a long one. Thanks to tv shows like CSI, most people are convinced that knowing photoshop is simply knowing what button to push, and anything created that way should be completed in seconds. It's not.

First, I select the photo I'd like to use. I have to make sure the resolution is high enough, the lighting isn't blowing everything out (too bright), and whether or not it's too blurry.

Once the photo is chosen, the task begins. It's a long process of cutting out the background, muting the vivid colors, deepening the facial shadows, giving the eyes a creepy, milky look, scars, webs, etc.

Unfortunately, these days a lot of that CAN be done in seconds with the latest and greatest app, right from the comfort of your cellular phone, which makes what I do "old fashioned." That seems so strange to me because it really wasn't that long ago that the phrase "pictures never lie" was a universally acknowledged truth.

Someday, something will come along that will make what the apps do seem outdated, and when that happens, people will look at what I'll still be doing and wonder why I bother wasting my time doing it in such a ridiculously slow manner. And when that day comes, I'll ask them what they prefer ... a microwave dinner anyone can nuke with the push of a button, or a thick steak, slow grilled to perfection ... and then tell them to get off my lawn.

For a full album of my zombie fun, check out my Flickr page, and as always.....

Aim high. Run fast.

Brett

B'HQ (the website)
Storefront 1
Storefront 2

Monday, January 2, 2017

I had no idea...

I'm not new to this blog thing, but I HAVE been on a bit of a sabbatical (sabbaticals can go on for two years, right?).

Apparently, when you walk away from your blog for that long, they throw on some chains and a padlock so that you can't go back and pick up where you left off! It's a bummer because I had a horde of readers that numbered in the tens (give or take) that are probably very worried about me and my fairly obvious observations on life and zombies. To make it worse, I can find the files online (HERE, in case you're curious) but I can't get back in. Not even through the cat door. Bummer.

However - it's a new year and I have a brand new space! Sure, it might take a while to get used to not jiggling the handle on the toilet, and of course the wiring needs completely ripped out and redone tweaked to accommodate the patented B'hold Designs Zombification Machine, but this new space has a pretty decent microwave and our neighbor has a pool! Well, it's a koi pond, but I'm sure it's deep enough for cannonballs.

Even though this is a new space, I still have my storefronts (HERE and HERE) with all kinds of ridiculous gear like the samples below. Do you have some money? Perfect! I need some. Feel free to click on over and buy lots of stuff! We have candy!


I guess that's all for now. I prefer to write these musings from the comfort of my driveway and people are beginning to stare. I really should get dressed.

Thanks for stopping by, and please check back often! AND remember - walk that perimeter! You never know ... between bath salts and global warming, if your grandma got run over by a reindeer this Christmas, she just might get back up!

Aim high. Run fast.

Brett

B'HQ (the website)
Storefront 1
Storefront 2